I am so tired.
Not just the, I-didn’t-sleep-well kind of tired. But just feeling let down and beat up by someone dear to me. Someone to whom I am dear. Why? That’s not really the point right now, and honestly will take more than 200 words to explain. This feeling isn’t new to me. What upsets me more, is that in my frustration I reacted. So now I’m tired AND disappointed.
Afterward, I was driving alone thinking about how I needed to apologize to my husband, who was the target of my meltdown after the incident. Of course, I was rehearsing what I would say when I called my best friend to unload this crap on her… which suddenly didn’t sound like a good idea. There was this shift in my spirit. I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit. And I knew what I needed to do.
First, I confessed my sin to God. A song was playing on the radio as I prayed. I don’t know about you, but God uses music to get my attention, a lot. This song was reminding me that I was washed clean. It was okay to not be so hard on myself. Even when I mess up, there is no condemnation. I am forgiven. I am in Christ Jesus. I started to sing as we talked. I could feel the weight of the day, this night, just falling away. The next song was like my goodnight kiss.
If you’re heart’s in a thousand pieces
If you’re lost and you’re far from reason
Just look up, know you are loved
You are Loved by Stars Go Dim
There is something so liberating about knowing that the God who made the heavens above loves me. And He doesn’t want my heart to be troubled.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29 NLT
I need to rest. I am deserving of rest. My Jesus said so. He encourages us to lay down the troubles of these days and rest in Him.